For about the last month I have felt like I simply could not keep up with all the demands my life is currently placing on me. When I tried to give my physical health the time and attention it needs then my spirituality would falter. Of if I tried to focus on keeping my house picked up then my patience would suffer with my kids. It felt like I was always dropping the ball on something.
Part of my healing from betrayal trauma journey has involved working the S-ANON 12 steps. I recently finished up my Step 5 and was super excited to start working on the next few steps. It had taken me 5 months to finish step 4 which I can see was completely necessary but also left me feeling a bit stagnant. But after trying to hard to do it all myself I had the realization last week that my life was currently unmanageable. Which is Step One. With this realization I felt like I could hand God the mess I was trying to juggle and let Him help me carry it.
Fast forward a few days after that I found out I may lose my job.
As I have thought over this possibility and worked on surrendering this aspect of my life to God I kept being reminded that I had told Him my life was unmanageable. Meaning I could not continue doing the things I was doing the way I was doing them. It simply was not working. The though occurred to my tonight while sitting in my SAL (SA Lifeline, which works the S-ANON steps) meeting that perhaps this is the answer to my prayer for help. Perhaps God is telling me that I need to remove this current job from the list of things I am trying to juggle and trust in Him to provide a different way.
As if to drive the point home a little deeper, as I was reading my scriptures last night I randomly opened to this:
“But behold, I Nephi will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty unto the power of deliverance” – 1 Nephi 20:1
God has promised He will deliver me. It will all be ok in the end. I’m not sure if that means I will keep this job or if He has other plans for me but what I do know is that He is in control. I will be delivered. Knowing that gives me a lot of peace and assurance that He truly is aware of me and my little family.